Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
