i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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