Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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