i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
