Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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