mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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