Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Randomize
