can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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