girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
