Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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