let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
