I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
