I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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