You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
