I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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