Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize