walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
