I'm gonna have a badass scar
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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