I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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