You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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