two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
