did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
