i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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