Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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