I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
