I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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