ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I understand Curling. That high.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
