there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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