Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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