If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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