i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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