I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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