i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
