The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize