stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
