Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
