At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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