he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
