Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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