grandma shit on top of the toilet
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Randomize
