Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
