So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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