Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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