O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
