Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
