i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
