My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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