Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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