It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So vagazzling was a success
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
