She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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