i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
