You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
