I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
