The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
