I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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