Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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