i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
