I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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