he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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