Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
