having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
