erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
