hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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