have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
