Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
