I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
