I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
