I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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