I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
