And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
