Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize