Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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