I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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