We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize