Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
